Circumstance
by firebrows
Summary: Nothing comes without consequences. When Edward leaves, he tears both himself and Bella in two. Who could possibly mend the the strings of their frayed hearts?
1. Chapter 1

I heard a noise; a squeaking in the rafters. A rat? I didn't know whether or not I cared.

I was so alone, so drunk off my inability to function, that when she walked in I almost believed her to be Bella, coming to rescue me from my self made prison. Yet as she walked, her graceful stride, pale milky skin shimmering slightly in the light streaming through the musty window, did I notice the differences. She was one of us, it was clear; yet her eyes were dark red, a telltale sign of trouble. I didn't care much, still believing I was manufacturing this in my mind. Her hair was curly, soft looking and long, cascading down her back and bouncing as she sauntered towards me. She was…beautiful.

She still was not my Bella. Where was my Bella, and who was this? This stranger, this dark, devious…grossly attractive…stranger?

"You've been hiding out here for a while; I've noticed you prowling around at night for the last month or so. Why the hermit behavior?" Her voice was sweet, musky and bouncy, an intricate cadence. I searched for a way to respond, caught up in trying to sort through my clouded mind.

"I…I lost something very dear to me, is all." A look of recognition; had she heard the hitch in my voice?

"Ahh. A girl." She nodded once, softly, her curls bouncing, framing her face and making her already huge eyes pop.

I nodded, cast my eyes toward the ground. Bella. Nobody else. Bella.

"No need to worry darling, I've walked that road too many times myself." She twisted a strand around her hair, pulling it behind her ear. "My name's Emma."

So sweet…

"I'm Edward. Cullen. Pleased to meet you."

"Nice to meet you Edward."

And then she looked into my eyes and smiled. Had I not have been sitting down, slumped against the wall, I would've quite possibly fallen over. Her eyes swam with emotions, caring and empathy, an understanding so great that it seemed I could see my thoughts flickering in the deep universe that her pupils contained. I had to distract myself, so I spoke.

"Thank you for coming up here to talk to me. There aren't many I know of that would care for the feelings of a stranger, let alone show such kindness."

She laughed, a sweet and abrupt melody that nearly made me smile.

"Don't worry about it dollface. I just happened to notice you a couple times and you never looked any better, always so upset." She sank down next to me, breaking her gaze to look out at the sun. "I was out when the clouds started moving, and I saw you walk up to this building. I figured I'd rather risk you than a street full of humans watching me sparkle." I nodded, looking once again at her eyes, such a deep and velvety red.

"May I ask you a question…that may be slightly offensive?"

She looked up at me quizzically but then nodded.

"Your eyes are such a deep red. Yet you can walk through crowds of humans in the middle of the day without taking a life? It is difficult even to me, and I've spent many decades preying on animals, resisting the perfume of human blood."

Before listening for her response, a thought hit me: I could not hear her thoughts. Why was this? Bella was the only person I knew of that I could not hear. What was the similarity between my Bella and this girl…Emma?

"I drink from the dead, Edward."

My shock was evident. I had heard of this, of course, but never tried; it was much more humane, certainly, but once the human dies the blood turns vile, thick and tastes more of acid. Most vampires could not stomach it; but those who could did not have to kill They remained stronger than our 'vegetarians,' and they did not get thirsty as quickly.

"Does it not repulse you? The very thought it makes me cringe." I looked at her hands, which were folded delicately in her lap. Small hands, but not too tiny; strong.

"I got so tired of being a monster. I'm sure it was the same sort of conscious that made you the way you are. Even as a newborn, I was disgusted with myself; I simply could not justify so many other lives over my own. I tried animals, but they were still living, breathing, warm. What's the difference between animal and human, innocent and innocent? I am not judging you, of course; I believe you to be just as strong as any other, your crusade for righteousness just as admirable. Yet taking so much life made me feel like I was completely out of control. These feelings tore at my mind, my sanity, until one night I came upon the scene of an accident while hunting. A man had driven into a tree and thrown out of his car. Nobody else had arrived on the scene. His blood was everywhere, and despite the way it repelled me, I felt a bit attracted to the idea. Never having to kill? I found a window, a path I never thought of or expected, my way out. I leaned into him without breathing, feeling the way he had already begun to cool, touching his chest, but there was no beat. I drank. My throat burned, my senses fought with me, my instincts begged me to stop. Yet I continued. To my surprise, it sustained me just as well as any other ever had. Since then I've searched constantly. Accidents, morgues, even funeral parlors- grotesque, right? But I feel like I've found myself again. I can be content with my existence, sharing rather than taking."

I was blindsided. Taken down, beaten, my mind left rolling around helplessly. Her mind, her strength, her beauty, her amazing sense of self, it all drew me towards her. I felt a sense of falling, and I didn't know what could have possibly sent me reeling like this. Who _was this creature?_

"I'm truly amazed, Emma. If any vampire was to make believe that we still have souls, it would be you." Hearing that, she grinned at me, taking one of my hands in both of hers. I found that I didn't mind the soft, warm touch of her skin. My thoughts momentarily flickered to Bella, but my eyes kept looking into Emma's, and I seemed to lose all ability to think clearly.

"Edward…don't think of me as a hero or a martyr. Its not like I've never killed."

Why couldn't she show a flaw, a singular reason to believe that she was not such an anomaly to this world, that she was in some way imperfect? Her vulnerabilities and her obvious character were overwhelming.

"Ah but Emma, you have made up for that, if that is possible, with your actions. I have done something far more unforgivable: I fell in love with a human. Oh Bella, my sweet Bella. I toyed with her, lured her in, and how would she have had the power to resist one of us? We are everything humans believe they want. When I first saw her, I knew I would kill her. How could I not? From when I first smelled her, it became obvious that she was my singer. Yet it had been so many years since I had killed a human…I couldn't bear to disappoint my father like that. So I ran from her, but something made me return. We grew closer, against my better judgment, as I constantly fought with my want, my need to drink from her. She was never dumb; it wasn't long before she figured out what I was. I was happier than I should have been when, to my surprise, she wasn't the least bit frightened. It grew easier to ignore her scent, if only fractionally, as time went on. My family accepted the relationship for the most part, and things, though difficult, seemed to begin to work themselves out. The first real call to reality came when a tracker set his sights on Bella. We did all we could to protect her, eventually killing him. I was forced to suck his venom from Bella's blood, and I nearly couldn't stop. Then I realized something frightening: I could not exist without her. From that I found the strength to keep her alive. I look back and see how naïve I was; this made me only more certain I had to remain with her, had to protect her. Then an accident-just a small thing really, a paper cut- caused my newest brother, Jasper, to nearly kill her. I had to fight to keep him away. I felt such an enormous amount of guilt, knowing that I would continue putting her in danger as long as I was around her. And then I left her. Left her because I loved her, because I could no longer stand to see her face dangers that no young human should have to. It was because of me, and I was the only one that could've ended it. So I left her. Yet I miss her so brutally, and I worry; Bella has never been lucky, and I cannot imagine her without a protector. Whichever way I turn, I feel incredible guilt." Thoughts of Bella once again clouded my mind, but now they were marred, twisted, unclear: what had I done? What was I to do? Right and wrong bled together like watercolors on a tilted canvas.

It was then that I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, nearly causing me to jump. I had almost forgotten that anyone else could exist; my narration had seemingly narrowed my world to Bella, Emma, and myself. I glanced at the phone; it was Rosalie.

"Hello?" I asked, wondering why she would attempt to call me. Most of the others had attempted numerous times, but I ignored them, knowing they would only beg my to come home. Yet I had never expected Rose to try and call. She knew and accepted the kind of pain that I felt. She knew I wanted only to be alone.

"Edward, I have some…bad news. Alice has been trying to call. She finally begged me to, thinking you might pick up." She sounded anxious and I immediately went into a panic, thinking of Bella, wondering what could have happened. I was constantly on edge as it was; I quickly imagined the worst.

"What is it, Rose?" I asked quickly.

"It's Bella." My heart, if it still had a beat, would have stopped. "Alice… she had a vision. Bella was going to try and jump off a cliff at La Push."

"Jump off…" I shook. I stopped breathing. Rosalie seemed to sense this, as she spoke quickly.

"Don't worry, Edward, she's alright. She never got to La Push, but she was stopped at the edge of the reservation by… Laurent." I felt black. Dark, black, empty. Bella trying to kill herself, only to be stopped by Laurent? What could this mean? How could I have possibly left Bella unprotected? Yet Rose said she was alright…I said the only thing I could.

"What…happened?" The slow, painful words tasted like bile.

"That's the thing Ed. We didn't know. Alice's vision stopped there. She couldn't see anything else, and not for lack of trying. You know how she feels about Bella, of course she rushed to La Push with Jasper." Alice's vision stopped? Did Alice and Jasper kill Laurent by themselves? If it was possible, I would have been in shock. Nothing made sense, my mind raced. I kept thinking that Bella was alright. Everything would be ok, if Bella was fine. Yet the rest of the story blurred at the edges, and my mind could not concentrate on one question, or even Rose's voice. She said something, and I had to ask her to repeat it.

"When they got there, Laurent was already dead. I guess the Quileutes have been a bit distant lately…apparently ancient ways are beginning to re-emerge. Bella's been a real train wreck since you left. Jacob Black started hanging around her more, trying to be there for her, help her get back on her feet. When he heard her scream, he ran to the clearing. Being the grandson of Billy Black, he was, of course, one of the first to become a wolf. When saw Laurent he phased. They fought, and he killed him." The wolves are back, and Jacob Black is one of them? I had left Bella weak and vulnerable, and Jacob Black had been the one to save her? I had never felt such an amazing amount of guilt, hurt, even…jealousy. Why did they have to tell me? I only felt more conflicted. I supposed Alice expected me to come back, and I knew I should. Yet how could I ever face Bella again? Her pain was, in every aspect, my fault.

"I'll be there as soon as I can Rosalie. Thank you for calling." My voice shook with rage, fear, sadness.

"Ed I…don't know if you want to do that or not. That…isn't the worst of my news." Rose sounded almost regretful. What else could have possibly happened that could be any worse?

"For God's sake Rose, just tell me!" I couldn't take this much longer. I felt my anger at her, at Jacob, at Laurent, at myself. I needed to act. Every sense in my body curled with a feeling of overwhelming desperation.

" Bella is still a wreck. She was happy to see Alice and tried to smile, but still looked deathly. She asked about you, but Alice told her she hadn't talked to you. Bella tried to talk, but had to turn away, crying."

Had there ever been another being more selfish then myself? I waited for Rosalie to continue.

"Alice went and spoke with Jacob, and he told what had happened after her vision had ended. He wasn't fond of having to speak with her, but he was desperate; he didn't know who else to turn to. You see… after Laurent was burned, Jacob turned around, truly looking at Bella for the first time since he phased. He hasn't said anything to anyone else, especially Bella. He doesn't know whether or not he should…he knows how much pain she's in, and fears it will only make it worse."

I was completely confused, as well as infuriated. Despite my gratefulness for him saving her life, I was ready to tear Jacob to bits, wondering what he had done that would hurt her.

"I need to know, Rosalie." I searched for possibilities, but could not fathom something that could be worse than what I had already heard. She sighed, and spoke quietly.

"I'm sorry Ed. Jacob imprinted on Bella."

Silence. Complete, dark and final. I felt numb. I hung up the phone, throwing it again the far wall, where it smashed into tiny fragments.

Then I ran.

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	2. Chapter 2

It had only been a day.

Yet what did it matter? Days, months, seconds, years, moments. I couldn't space them apart, had no reason nor willingness to part with my timeless reality. All I could feel was the rain and wind brushing against my skin, lightly, bittersweet reminders that time was continuing on just fine, thanks, without me. I couldn't stop running for fear of having to think of anything other than my constant motion. But this wasn't going to hold up long; I needed to hunt, and soon. The burning was now all consuming; even in my selfish anger I knew I couldn't bear taking a human life on sheer impulsive instinct.

I had run to a small farm, and though I wasn't fond of the idea of stealing livestock, I had no choice. I ran to a horse, quickly and painlessly winning my sustenance. The rush of cooling liquid in my throat was a welcome relief, but it didn't change the bitterness biting through to my brain.

I had left Bella…I vowed never to return. Yet I always would be the one who loved her most, because I sacrificed our relationship for her safety. Right?

How could he be handed everything I ever wanted? I wished I was human so I could cry, scream out, dive into a rushing river and never come out, feeling physical pain to ignore my mental battles.

My mind sparked through desperation, and I found my answer.

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Rosalie felt a prick in her side. Guilt? It was a possibility; she did hate for Edward to be upset. But if she hadn't have done it, he would have wallowed in his self pity for _decades._ Really, it was just a human. A mediocre one at that. And besides, he had to come home. Esme was beside herself, and Alice was jittery and constantly worrying about his well being. Even Jasper and Em seemed a bit low. God, why is it that nobody can function when Edward is unhappy? It's simply disgusting.

But yes, she did…miss him, a bit.

So in all honesty, this was better. Maybe once Edward was back they could finally move away from this dismal, boring town. There were plenty of fish in the sea, so to speak, all of them so much more appealing candidates then that pitiful Bella. She was doing this for his own good, and the good of the family, the good of the coven.

So did it really matter if she lied?

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The Volturi are the oldest, most powerful group of law keepers in the world. When it comes to vampires, they restore order, keep the peace, and most importantly, keep the secret.

Yet in order for this to be successful, they have to weed out the unmanageable. If a vampire was to blatantly reveal themselves to the general human population, it would wreak an amazing amount of havoc, and the Volturi would be forced to punish him or her in the only way possible; using fire.

This would result in permanent and real death, something that is exceedingly difficult to do by oneself. So truthfully, breaking the law of the Volturi is the most efficient way for a vampire to commit suicide.

A vampire such as myself.


End file.
